April 2017 Column Winner

You could safely say he's not handy
Aaron McDonald, Countywide & Sun

I’m not exactly what you would call “handy.”
Growing up on a working cattle ranch, you’d think I would have picked up a thing or two about fixing this and that.
I did not.
A few weeks ago, the refrigerator in one of our rent houses went out. After putting the word out on, where else, Facebook, we located one for a reasonable price.
After a quick text to a friend, I secured the assistance of some handy men to help me out.
What followed was such a comedy of errors that, had it not happened to me, I wouldn’t have believed it possible.
Remember, I’m not handy.
I, and the three friends who were helping me move this fridge, made plans to meet at my house at 1 p.m. to pick up my trailer, go get the fridge, and deliver it. I left work, assuring everyone that
I would be back by 3:30 at the very latest.
When we arrived to pick up the fridge, we realized that we didn’t have a dolly. Graciously, the seller allowed me to borrow hers. After loading the fridge, I opened my wallet to realize I had forgotten the cash by the front door. Graciously, the seller allowed me to bring it when I returned the dolly. When we went to tie down the fridge, we realized I had only picked up one tie-down strap. Graciously, the seller allowed me to borrow a piece of rope.
We decided that we would go a mile and a half in the opposite direction to the house of one of these fine friends off mine and see if there was a tie-down there that we could use. There was not.
We then made our way, painfully slowly, the five or so miles to my rent house. We unloaded the fridge, moved the old one out of the way, and tried to put the replacement in the house.
It wouldn’t fit through the door. So, we took the doors off of the fridge.
When I say “we,” I mean “they.” Remember, I’m not handy.
About this time, I get a text on my phone from my five-year-old’s teacher asking if someone is going to come pick her up from school. It was now 3 p.m. Graciously, her teacher agrees to take her over to the daycare where little sister stays during the day. I also send a text to the eldest’s teacher asking her to send that child over to the daycare, too.
After getting the fridge inside the kitchen, we replaced the doors and went to slide the fridge in place only to discover that this was not a standard size refrigerator. No, this was an oversized refrigerator that just happened to be one-quarter inch too wide and one-quarter inch too tall for the space.
Remember, I’m not handy.
So we decide that the best thing to do would be to shave off the overhang on the countertop and knock off a piece of trim from the cabinet above.
We decide to come back the next morning and do that since it was now almost 5 p.m.
The next morning, we all meet for breakfast and then go over to finish the job. We cut off the overhang from the countertop, remove the trim piece from above and begin to move the fridge into place. In the process, a vase falls off the top and shatters.
After cleaning that up, we push the fridge into place. It barely fits. We test the doors to discover that the freezer side will not open because of a trim piece around the door leading to the garage.
So, we remove it, turn it around and nail it back on. The door still won’t open the whole way, but at least it opens.
Remember, I’m not handy.

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